March 18, 2009 at 9:20 pm 3 comments

Tonight, the feeling is just right… and great. How should I describe it? Erm… just like the bliss you feel when you’re in your first love? Yes, that’s the nearest description though not perfectly accurate.

With my favorite lovely romantic song running on air, I’m just completely melt in the sea of love.

Please do not get me wrong. I’m just simply enjoying the feeling… a feeling which came back after missing for a moment. It have nothing to do with anyone inside the memory, but just the memory itself.

Yes, it is as complicated as how it sounds. Nonetheless, it make me feel human again.

Earlier this morning, or almost every morning, my elderly neighbour will listen to those Chinese old songs from older days. Some, in fact are my favorite. Those old songs, weirdly enough, makes me wonder, how it feels like after you lost someone whom you love so dearly.

The granny next door, her husband had passed away couple years ago.

How does it feel to sleep on the big bed alone?

How does it feel to wake up in the morning just to remember that he is not longer here?

How does it feel to live in the quietness without ever hearing his voice again?

How does it feel when you can’t never feel his hand touch yours again?

How does it feel when you realize that you have one less person on dinner table and you have one less pair of chopstick to wash after dinner?

How does it feel when you heard your favourite songs and he is not there to sing it with you?

How does it feel when you just need him so much but he’s gone forever?

And how does it feel when you miss him so much but you can’t hug him?

Those were the questions run in my head, when I heard of those songs every morning.

And, am I daring enough to face these pains by to fall in love again?

I guess I have loved too much- my family, my 4 cats and my fish.

No, I can’t affort to love one more person anymore.


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Leukemia Lazy

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Jani  |  March 18, 2009 at 11:15 pm

    well I have to say I’m the type that I just can’t afford to lose any one I loved. even thinking of it i just drop tears.

  • 2. rhealk  |  March 19, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    Me tooooooooooooooooooooooo !!

  • 3. Jen  |  April 20, 2009 at 9:43 am

    I love you, Raphael, you make me smile every time we talk, cheer me up when I am sad, and didn’t know what dessert was 😀
    You also have a scanned print of your hand which I high fived!
    I will be sad if something happens to you, this I know.

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March 2009
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